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Bob Loblaw

Panty-wearing man-*****es

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Panty-wearing man-*****es. You know the type.

No, Im not talking about gay men or the gay lifestyles. I have no issue with them. I REPEAT: NO ISSUE WITH HOMOSEXUALITY WHATSOEVER. So, put away the hatemail stationary and listen.

No, my issue today is with those men who, either by a complete lack of testicular fortitude or sheer laziness have become completely cowed by the women in their lives, be they wives, girlfriends, mothers, sisters, or even co-workers.

Youve seen him. That guy who walks slowly by the gun store, the tobacco shop, the model railroad store, etc., carrying his wifes shopping bags, purse, and sometimes even her little foo-foo dog, fer chrissakes. He wants to go in, has every right to go in, and can more than likely afford to buy whatever is inside thats calling his name with no serious financial strain, but doesnt dare even let her see him looking inside. Because shell get UPSET. UPSETTING the woman is never allowed in these scenarios. There are numerous ways to UPSET these women.

1. Not paying rapt attention to every word she says, even if shes on the phone.
2. Not accepting that any whim she has is more important than anything you have planned.
3. Daring to want anything for yourself, be it time or toys.

But all is not lost. We can reclaim our fallen brothers if we stand together and act. Next time you see these men, and they are everywhere, walk up, hand him your card or contact info, and offer to help him escape so you can get a beer. Beer is one of the key elements of returning these lost souls to their mannish glory. Other items include cigars, gunpowder, fishing equipment, charcoal, and Scotch.

This will require some patience on your part, but its worth it. Get him drunk, and encourage him to rant and rave about the shrew thats demasculinizing him. Once the groundwork has been laid, start slowly working him back into male society. You may have to endure some talk about shopping trips or home dcor; its okay. Hell come around. Encourage things like consuming beer, smoking a big cigar, ogling women, and outdoor activities.

Enough is enough. We have only ourselves to blame. We are allowing the liberal panty-waists to feminize our country. Boys are being taught not to speak out, not to resist, to go along with whatever they say, because otherwise theyll be considered sexist, misogynistic pigs. I say its high time we started oinking a little more. Men are supposed to be men, not shopping assistants or girlfriends with penises.

If you are one of these men, dont despair. We havent washed our hands of you; we want you back. Contact your local gun shop, tobacconist, sporting goods store, hobby shop (not one of those supermarket ones like Hobby Lobby and Michaels, either; the small niche places) or neighborhood bar. Inside, you will find men. Men who can help you reclaim your lost testosterone, and welcome you back to the Man Tribe. Come on in, weve got beer, cigars, pool tables, cards, sawdust, guns, pocket knives, fast cars, motorcycles, tech toys, leather, rare steak, ESPN, dogs that dont fit in purses, and every imaginable fried food on the planet.

The next time youre supposed to say something like Gee, hon, I dont even think shes all that pretty or Of course, Id love to go shopping with you, just walk in, grab a beer, give her a good solid spanking, and go back to the game. Stand up for yourself; were all behind you.

Be a man. Its fun.
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  1. Bob G's Avatar
    GREAT advice there, Bob. I don't think we have many/any members that fall into the category of needing this help.

    But everyone on the forum should read this so they can render "First Aid" better when they encounter such fellows.

    Thanks for posting. Great read.